Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
