it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
