sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
