i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
