the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize