I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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