Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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