...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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