we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
vagina is talking i cant
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
