My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
