You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
