My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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