id be glad to
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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