its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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