I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
As shirtless as possible
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
