Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
