in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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