You just made me feel so damn special
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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