she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
