There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Where are you guys?
Drunk
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
