I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
