i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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