i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
foreskin is a definite game changer
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
