You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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