i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
