i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
