Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
