hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
