I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
