Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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