We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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