if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
