I can feel you judging me through the phone.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
