I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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