Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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