sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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