so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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