I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
