the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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