when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
