Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
