I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
