Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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