The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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