just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
