is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize