i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
