Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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