Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
