So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
