the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
