i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think I sprained my soul last night
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
