Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
