the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
this boner is exhausting
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize