you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
