sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i will never coherently bang her
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
