Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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