it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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