You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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