I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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