I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
