it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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