oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
