Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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