When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
