Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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