I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
