I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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