Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
