If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize