shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
