he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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